what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
