I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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