Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
