My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
ugly people sure do ruin things
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
