either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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