Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
