East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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