I wish I could punch you in the face.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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