come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just found a bag of teeth...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
