He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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