Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
