i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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