He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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