You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
