How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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