Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
