i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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