I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
