my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
i think my cat just said my name.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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