I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
