I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize