my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
