and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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