i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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