It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
