he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Floor bacon is actually really good
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
