explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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