using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
