its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
