whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
So many bounce houses so little time
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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