I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize