life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
my liver is dry heaving
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
