If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I am mentally ready for anal.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
