why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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