just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
