Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
