Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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