curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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