please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Randomize