I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
