what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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