I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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