I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
