She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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