Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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