Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
