I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize
