just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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