The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
