1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
