Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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