Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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