I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize