and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
