I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
