I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
