so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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