he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize