And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
