I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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