I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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