So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
