remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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