can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
