he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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