FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
