Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
