that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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