we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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