Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
