Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
