She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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