I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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