But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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