He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize